


The Calm Between Storms

by ThatwasJustaDream



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Angst and Feels, Battle Couple, Bunker ficlet, M/M, So Married
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-03-04
Updated: 2019-03-04
Packaged: 2019-11-09 02:39:30
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,521
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17993288
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ThatwasJustaDream/pseuds/ThatwasJustaDream
Summary: Dean has something he needs to share with Cas, about Michael putting words in his mouth. Castiel wants him to know they can have nice things- at least for now.





	The Calm Between Storms

**Author's Note:**

> Written for a challenge- the prompt was 'struggle.' Posted before the season can rip them apart and throw them into far flung ends of the universe, as it likes to do. :}

Castiel sat at the bunker kitchen table, absently nibbling at the last few broken pieces of chocolate chip cookie on the plate by his hand, so lost in thought he hadn't even noticed Dean walk in the room and open the fridge. 

"Hey, Cas," Dean dropped into the empty seat by him, now, pushing the cookies slightly to make way for the sandwich fixings in his own hands. "You here, babe?"

"Sorry," Castiel roused, smiling at the vigor with which Dean began spreading condiments on the bread, watching him anticipate the pleasures of roast beef and rye, cheese and tomato. 

"S'all right. Just...freaks me out a little when you look like you're....gone somewhere. Or maybe you're thinking about _being_ gone somewhere?"

"I'm not planning any trips," Castiel let the fondness in his heart spill into the words; watched Dean give the 'cool, whatever' shrug that a show of affection inevitably prompted from him. "Not anymore. At least...not of my own volition."

He'd learned to accept it long ago - how fast Dean's walls could rise. Self-protection, really; nothing more.

"Great. You know, 'cause... it's a whole different ballgame now, with the kid around. Even when we've got a lull like we do... we need you more than ever. _He_ needs you. Right?"

"He needs us all. In fact... it's Jack I was thinking about. We just had a conversation, and he confided that he's ...struggling. To enjoy this."

"Enjoy what?"

"The calm between storms," Castiel said.

It was only a week ago that the four of them had faced the inevitable: Michael wearing down Dean's defenses, forcing them to do battle with him again - to slay Michael, this time, and neutralize his threat to burn down the world for good. 

The archangel had come terrifyingly close to fulfilling his promise to rip them all apart and burn down their world, but for once planning, timing and team work won out. 

"I get it," Dean said, gesturing at Cas' in a 'do you want one of these?' kind of way, then going on with building his sandwich when Cas shook his head no. "Kid's got way less experience than any of us. And I gotta say, this particular go around? It even rocked _me_ pretty good."

"That's what I told him. I said everyone suffers, everyone struggles with something. I suggested outdoor time, as it will always be a balm for the human half of his spirits. And that he find some healthy coping mechanisms when he's anxious; maybe go fishing for an afternoon, or ask Sam to spend time studying lore with him."

"Nice work," Dean sucked the stray traces of sandwich dressing off of a thumb before reaching in for a kiss. "You're getting damn good at this Angel Daddy thing."

"Only you could make that sound...vaguely filthy," Castiel said. 

Dean chuckled, cutting his snack in half, giving him an eyebrow waggle. They fell into a companionable silence, before Dean spoke again. 

"Cas, listen... I wanna talk about what that rat bastard said a while back. I mean...what he claimed to know about my feelings concerning you."

"Dean, no, there's no need..."

"Yeah, there is. I already talked with Sam and Jack; made sure they're all good and not carrying around any seeds of doubt."

"I know, Dean. But we don't have to..."

"Look, I want to. It'll eat at me if I don't, so... even though I suck at this stuff big time I need to get it out. All right?"

"Yes," he answered - barely able to whisper it over his rising nerves, unable to hide a shudder. "All right."

Thankfully, Dean's eyes were on his meal - his mind apparently occupied enough that he didn't seem to pick up on the outward signs of fear, and Castiel was glad. 

"Don't worry... I'm not about to go over every twist and turn in our ...relationship, 'cause ...it'd take all day. You know how all over the board we've been through the years," Dean took a pause to chew, and to visibly formulate his thoughts. "But I will tell you this: Never once have I felt like you're a burden. Or that I have to care about you because you saved my bacon."

"Not even...when you called me a baby in a trench coat?"

"How did I know that one was coming up? No, not even then. I was frustrated because life just kept tossing us up roadblocks and we didn't need another one at the moment. I know I don't always handle it well when that happens....."

"By that, you're referring to your propensity for rash and self-damaging decisions, correct?" Castiel did his best to make it sound like a random observation. "Like taking the Mark? Or contemplating being shot into the stars? Or saying yes to...."

"You're frigging goading me, buddy? Really? I'm trying to pour out what little heart I got to you, and..."

"Sorry..."

"...you're verbally bitch-slapping me? Really?"

"I...am sorry. I must still be feeling a bit passive aggressive about your tendency to hurt those of us who care about you by opting to hurt yourself."

Castiel watched Dean take another bite of his sandwich as he spoke, then waited silently for him to go on, nibbling at another cookie crumb.

The silence was only slightly less companionable this time.

"You done?" Dean asked around a very full mouth of roast beef.

"Yes."

"What I'm trying to tell you is that I can't imagine feeling more various things for anyone, ever. Okay? Some of the hardest days I've lived through were the ones when I thought I'd never see you again. The best days... they're nothing fancy. Right? Neither of us is romantic, or prone to deep and abiding happiness but...my very happiest days are when we're together. And yeah, I still struggle sometimes with believing I deserve what I have. But Cas? I will never feel anything but thankful for you; that you love me, and you're mine. You are mine, right?"

"Yes," It took a minute to be able to say it; to breathe around and hold back the tears that wanted to form. "Of course, I am."

They'd be the last thing Dean would want from him, so Castiel willed them away; reached for Dean's hand and was given it. He pressed his lips to the back of it, then the palm, and then to Dean's wrist, his arm.

"Got any revelations you want to share?" Dean pulled his hand free, but only to reach and wrap it behind Castiel's neck, to pull him in for another quick, soft kiss on the lips.

"No," Castiel stole a third one. "I don't."

"Not even about the deal you made with that ...thing? For Jack?"

"How did you..... " Castiel saw Dean sit back, looking pleased with himself, and it dawned. "Jack told you."

"Yep," 

"Oh, he is in so much...."

"No, he's not. You want to be pissed, be pissed at me. I decided weeks ago that if you can pump Sammy for info on where my head's at ... then I'm leaning on the kid _as needed_. All's fair, right?"

"You're shameless."

"It's one of my many charms."

"Yes, well... perhaps, but it's nowhere near the top of my list of favorite things about you, just so you know."

"Hey, speaking of Jack..." Dean glanced back toward the hallway to the library. "...did he and Sam step out for a while?"

"Yes. They're going to the hardware store and then..."

"How about we take the opportunity to go be shameless together in my bed?

"I thought you'd never ask," Castiel extended his own hand, and let Dean pull him to standing.

"Cas....if that thing comes and takes you," Dean stood, too. "I don't know..."

"Dean..."

"Last time, it was so frigging hard without you. I don't know what it will do to me if I lose you again anytime soon. I really don't."

"I believe...we may not need to worry. The Empty... it's far from subtle. It doesn't get mixed emotions. And apparently I can't feel pure happiness, because there's always a bit of sorrow inside me knowing we _will_ lose each other one day - that I will leave you to mourn, or you will leave and... have you ever _thought_ about how long I might have to go on without you?"

"So... it made a deal it might never be able to collect on."

"Exactly."

"Great. I'm always gonna be a little broken, and you'll always be a little sad."

"And yet, if _that_ is what buys us more time together..."

"Yeah," Dean looked both relieved and a little spent. "Guess that's how we'll have to look at it."

Castiel knew how much energy it had cost Dean, being demonstrative about his feelings; he opted to forego more words- stepping in to ask for Dean's eyes, looking to Dean's lips in the way that always got him kissed long and deep and a little rough. 

They were good, the two of them; maybe in the best place they'd ever be with each other.

For now.


End file.
